Its just funny

Its funny how things work.
How I was in mid life crises wondering why i was scrubbing dishes and staring at my fingers enjoying the fact at least my nails were white as snow becuase i would pile so much soap to whear literaly it touched the spray itself. Wondering why, why i was in that position.
Was God gona one day answer my prayers. or was i just gona pass on through life and not exist and just stare at my hands as the wrinkled each day like as if life passed away each day. nothing but repition, each day same ol thing.
so then it was that day when i just literaly bawled my eyes out screaming to God inside my head why in the heck He existed. How i hated Him for putting me in a sitaution where i was.
So i started again, to pray every time there was a full moon, (like it really added some luck to it. and enhanced that my prayers would be answer)which didn't have any affect. But i did, like an insane person, because i was goin insane.
then things just fell like a fallen picture jumbled among the puzzle. God slowely placed each puzzle that resembled a part of my life, and placed where it kneed to be, becuase if it wasn't in the right place the broad perspective of that picture in the puzzle wouldn't form that picture.
He let it happened.It was time for me to search, but did i do it the right way.
no i didn't. but its funny how things work. when people can do some really stupid things but God can intervene and turn it in the right direction.
i now look at my life and laugh. becuase God didn't just leave in an areah where i was a total loser and a low lifeless human. just there to breath the air and live like a slob.
so it happened so quickly. i left, searched and looked and then it happened. my life which i have always wanted. to breath and walk and enjoy the areah of life. ive searched for freedom and have found it.
no one will know but only God and i. that finaly the box is away, i am free. not from life but from knowing that nothing evil is gona come across. that God is standing there watching over my shoulder and truly watching out for me. I didn't ask Him to, and personaly i really didn't care becuase i just gave up. He didn't. and i ask why?
i am not perfect. i am a sinner, and not a saint. I do try to please God. but there moments where that flesh just peels itself out. And oh boy do i feel such regret. but i get a handle of myself and try to pull myself down of course with God's help.
now i smile every day, every hour, and every minute. becuase i know now that God does answers prayers. a prayer that ive had prayed for a long time. to go and fly and spread my wings and feel the wind against my face like feathers brushing against my skin. wondering if it was an angel that i ran into.
i smile becuase i am set free from the terror of where i was. its funny how things work