once i met a man...

i looked at his hand and saw the that he didn't have to much pigment left. he had chubby fingers but new tha it was just layers of callas piled on his hand. his nails were cut nicely, and his fingers would twitter here and there.
then he had those kind of glasses that were not normal. i couldn't depict what kind of perspriction he had, becuase a certain image would go from top to bottom making every thing look taller then orrignal size it was. it kind of looked like harry potter's glasses but not so discustingly annoying like as if his glasses was just gona rip his face off. it was nice. sivler and thin.
the only problem was that it hid his eyes. once in a great while he would take it off his silver rounded glasses and its those kind of eye that captivated my full attention. it was sea blue ocean like. as if i just stood by the sea. and its those kind of eyes where you can't help from where ever his at you find yourself just staring at him.
he was man of honor intergrity and love. but was in position to where had the choice of what he can do. which by others it meant the use of power and authorityship to destroy so many lives as it was a shadow casting adolf hitler's shadow. he grasped the sense that arround him was just people who wanted to become something in their life.
some didn't choose to go to college and party every hour of the night and blow off their homework and asked if some kind of nerdy kid could hack into the system and copy the assignments on the hard drive and sell them to the students. expect for those who rich they would just beet his head into a wall to where he kneeded to be sent to emergency hospital but rather they left him there in his own blood. It wasn't about party and games, nor sitting on couch watching sponge bob all night long. instead of washing dishes and knowing that his pothetic boss just didn't give hoot about his kneeds or wants or even his own dignity. there he goes again washing the dishes once and again.
so it was time it was time to serve in the military.
and thats where once i met a man indeed i did.

i grew my wings and flew away

i slowly got up after i sat for a period of long time.
i brushed my swollen puffy red eyes, and smeered the snot that
hunged from the bottom of my nose accross my face.
i started to get cold again, and managed to find my bed that was
half way done.
i usualy perfected my bed to where a quarter hits the ceiling, but i guess
today wasn't the day.
i asked my self why i put myself in certain sitaution where i knew that id end up being screwed.
i thumbled for my journal, and reread all those "love" notes that i written, and realized that it was just another cliche.
was it real? or was it truly down there in side of my heart?
i didn't know, so i twore the pages and got my lighter. i opened the creaky old rusted window from my room. and i had a lighter in one hand and then my ripped up paper from my journal.
i lite the paper on fire, and slowly watched it burn.
it fascinated me how the words disseapered and turned to a huge mudgy black smudge.
it was my favorite smell though. the smell of burnt paper. it reminded me of thanksgiving, where during that time you could smell the smoke of leaves being burnt.
then i looked outside and said to myself.
no more.
no more
no more
i got my coat, laid on my bed. i got all my clothes and packed in my suit case,
it was time, it was time for me to leave and explore
i don't know what it is that i am to explore
but its something.
so i grew some wings and flew with my suitcase in my hand
and followed the sun.

Its just funny

Its funny how things work.
How I was in mid life crises wondering why i was scrubbing dishes and staring at my fingers enjoying the fact at least my nails were white as snow becuase i would pile so much soap to whear literaly it touched the spray itself. Wondering why, why i was in that position.
Was God gona one day answer my prayers. or was i just gona pass on through life and not exist and just stare at my hands as the wrinkled each day like as if life passed away each day. nothing but repition, each day same ol thing.
so then it was that day when i just literaly bawled my eyes out screaming to God inside my head why in the heck He existed. How i hated Him for putting me in a sitaution where i was.
So i started again, to pray every time there was a full moon, (like it really added some luck to it. and enhanced that my prayers would be answer)which didn't have any affect. But i did, like an insane person, because i was goin insane.
then things just fell like a fallen picture jumbled among the puzzle. God slowely placed each puzzle that resembled a part of my life, and placed where it kneed to be, becuase if it wasn't in the right place the broad perspective of that picture in the puzzle wouldn't form that picture.
He let it happened.It was time for me to search, but did i do it the right way.
no i didn't. but its funny how things work. when people can do some really stupid things but God can intervene and turn it in the right direction.
i now look at my life and laugh. becuase God didn't just leave in an areah where i was a total loser and a low lifeless human. just there to breath the air and live like a slob.
so it happened so quickly. i left, searched and looked and then it happened. my life which i have always wanted. to breath and walk and enjoy the areah of life. ive searched for freedom and have found it.
no one will know but only God and i. that finaly the box is away, i am free. not from life but from knowing that nothing evil is gona come across. that God is standing there watching over my shoulder and truly watching out for me. I didn't ask Him to, and personaly i really didn't care becuase i just gave up. He didn't. and i ask why?
i am not perfect. i am a sinner, and not a saint. I do try to please God. but there moments where that flesh just peels itself out. And oh boy do i feel such regret. but i get a handle of myself and try to pull myself down of course with God's help.
now i smile every day, every hour, and every minute. becuase i know now that God does answers prayers. a prayer that ive had prayed for a long time. to go and fly and spread my wings and feel the wind against my face like feathers brushing against my skin. wondering if it was an angel that i ran into.
i smile becuase i am set free from the terror of where i was. its funny how things work

sun that turned gray

a cup coffee, though it would bring a light in my path, but only brought shame accross my lips. leaving nothing but a nasty ronchy breath.
as i talked to people they glared at me, and walked along as i heard my name being mention across the wind that uncomfortably came across my face.
i looked up at the sky and wondered when it was gonna rain, so i didn't have all day long.
it did, and i stood and looked up in the sky and started to cry. which perfectly blend in with the rain as the rain slid down my face.
my nose started to run again, and i finaly found a bench to sit on.
I didn't realized that someone sat besides me.
the person just sat there until i looked up and saw him. it was funny becuase he seemed like those guys i remembered. but from where? where and who is this person?
i asked his name. he replied.
and i started to bawl again. i asked him why would he waiste his time on me. im just a person who just alive. not even noticed among the crowd. but couldn't care any less becuase why i am alive, not for them.
he still sat there, and thats when i began to share my deepest emotions that have been siting in the garbage for so many years, that it was time to empty it out.
i told him how lonly i felt, how i wish that i could trust someone. how deeply i am hurt. he continued to listen, and so i went. on.
he scooted closer to me, and gave me a hug. i fought to resist his hug. because he was a guy. i though, who is he to hug me? i gave up and let him in, loose in his arms that wrapped arround me, as if he was my father holding me in his lap, comforting me.
i gota hold of myself. i got up and shook his hand.
and i noticed something. there was a scar below his sleave on his wrist. and it hit me, when he told that his name was Joshua. it was himself, named Jesus. and i stood there, and new why, why it puzzled me that i seemed to recognize him from somewhere, but i couldn't pin point it. it was the same voice that ive heard all my life inside of my head always leading me to the rightiouse way of life.
though the sky turned blue to gray, something came out of the gray dulish day. a man named Jesus, who came to me when i was sad.
and so i walked about, felt a little livier, and had smile on my face.

Hello

What a wonderful day it is. Just to be able to get back and go back to my first love. Frealy let my fingers go and express all the colors that bounces off my brain into my arms. As if it was a river flowing down to my fingers.

More drawings. the last one isn't done yet. shouldn't post before its done. but what does that matter. ha ha